Parents

You can't live with them, and you certainly can't live without them. My parents are good people, and I love them a great deal. They're incredibly important to me--not only do they take good care of me, they're also really close to me in ways not all parents and children are. My mother and father do their best to support me, and are proud of me, and love me, and will help and advise me throughout my life. But it's at fourteen that I don't really want their advice. I'd prefer to follow my own instincts, take a few risks, and either enjoy myself or suffer the consequences--all on my own terms. 
     Having caring parents sometimes means that the child doesn't have much room to grow. I wouldn't say that that's necessarily true in my case--they try to give me space, they try to give me freedom, but in the end, it's their way or the highway (though I don't think they'd ever actually kick me out for really any reason, unless I did something truly awful. I don't know what they'd do then.) Still, I don't have much say in much of anything. I'm reduced to a tiny, dependent, inconsequential voice, left out of big decisions that I'm nevertheless forced to accept, given responsibilities but also overpowering regulation, a teenager who'd like a normal--or at least almost-normal--adolescent experience.
     I hope that the frequency of our arguments isn't unusual, or indicative of any underlying incompatibility, or deep-set differences. I hope that it doesn't mean that we'll grow apart, that we won't confide and believe in each other. I hope that my parents trust me, even when I make a few mistakes, and I hope, above all, to make them proud, to impress and astonish and honor them, because I crave beyond anything their pride and approval. 
      I also crave an iPod, texting, and a little more freedom. Finding middle ground, drawing up a compromise--that's hard, especially with parents like mine; one who reasons and one who acts impulsively (they balance each other out, not always to my advantage.) I will admit that I've lost the last two iPods I've owned (well, my shuffle is here somewhere, and my other iPod was broken anyway), but thinking about keeping me from buying another (with my own money!) seems way too strict. Forbidding texting, because apparently it's unnecessary (um, no. I'll be riding the Metro a lot next year and texting is important because calling is impolite on a crowded train car, and sometimes impossible in the middle of a large city) is almost stupid. And dependence prevents much freedom. 
     I hoped with the advent of high school (a little over a month away) that I would be afforded a bit more trust. Okay, I'm not always that honest with my parents, but I've never lied about anything important--that is, life-threatening, hurtful, illegal, or in any other way potentially dangerous--and I feel I should be afforded some credit for this. Even though I'll be commuting via Metro (Metro!) every day to school I'll be constantly monitored. Even though I'll be going to school in the city, my every action after school will be passed by them first, met with approval or not, and accordingly sanctioned or forbidden. Even though I'll be fifteen next year, even though I'm fourteen now (a pretty impressive age in itself) I'm treated as though I'm ten and have little to no understanding of anything. 
     Which, needless to say, pisses me off. To no end. 
     I'm a lucky person. My parents can provide for me. I've studied in good schools. My walls are lined with books, my bunny and guinea pig snuffle in their cages across my room, and I'm typing, at this moment, from a Macbook computer. I'm fortunate to have lived such a comfortable life as my own, but even now, the fact that I don't know discomfort--or rather, that I am not allowed to take risks--bothers me. 
     When will I be allowed to grow up?